She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
