where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Four minutes until I can fart!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
