His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
