you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
