i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
