sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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