Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
