Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
