The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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