??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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