Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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