Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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