So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
