I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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