Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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