ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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