Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
