OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
