I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
