Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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