if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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