His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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