so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
