and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
