Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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