He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
