so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
