he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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