The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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