i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
where am i from again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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