I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had sex on a roof
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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