your parents love me but you hate me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
