wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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