Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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