went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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