remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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