I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
