she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
