On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
