You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry my hands just texted you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
