you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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