i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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