I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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