I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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