You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
