My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
