Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
