stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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