If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
