Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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