he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
